Posted by: athenabast on: January 2, 2010
I think the HS ex is flirting with me.
I type in my status box “It’s all white and fluffy and slippery outside”. To which he responds “Sounds dirty”. I then respond with “Well that’s a story for another time”. Which it is, a story which I will regale him with at another time involving a picnic table in the middle of winter.
He’s got to be flirting with me. He’s also online at all hours so he can’t have a girlfriend unless he’s neglecting her.
He could be gay.
I dunno. I’m just making up excuses now I think.
Posted by: athenabast on: January 2, 2010
I think one of the guys in the gaming group is trying to talk up the HS ex to me. He’s always bringing him up in conversations.
I watch the Facebook chat “online” thing for his name and I want to talk to him and I can but my head is so swimming with stupid shit that it’s not supposed to be swimming with that I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m taking too much of what he says as flirting. Which he very well could be but I can’t see why he would be doing that. And given the situation I’m in, I really don’t want to be flirted at.
I would laugh myself silly if I got back into something with him. I think that’s why I’ve been finding this all so weird. He’s just been so nice. Not just casual nice if you can understand my meaning. I just wish we’d go out for drinks sooner rather than later. Unless this is all his plan or something.
And with this posting I add my 100th tag.
Posted by: athenabast on: December 31, 2009
Uh, I guess thanks are in order for that sex last night? I dunno, it’s the first time you’ve touched me in like, 5 months. Maybe longer.
We haven’t gone out anywhere since Star Trek opened. Now you want to go see Sherlock Holmes on Sunday. The knowledge that I can have fun without you scares you shitless. Well good. It’s all a bit too late which I guess is the desperation I smelled last night.
Needless to say I am going to have way too fun much the weekend of the 9th and it’s going to drive you fucking crazy that you are going to have the weekend to yourself. I love it. You were all, woo hoo, three days off together last week and you played Dragon Age: Origins from sunrise to sunset all three days. Now I’m going to go hang with my geek army and eat, drink and be all kinds of merry.
If I didn’t owe money right now you would be so gone because I know there’s a couple people that need a room or a bed.
Posted by: athenabast on: December 30, 2009
Temptation.
I shouldn’t want to talk to him this bad. About anything. I don’t care. Game Strats. His new gadgets. Anything. I shouldn’t want it this bad.
It’s exhausting.
Posted by: athenabast on: December 27, 2009
This video apparently goes back to my freshman year of high school but right now it reminds me of my senior year. Reconnecting with my ex from high school has been one of the best things I’ve done in recent memory.
I told him not a few days ago that probably the smartest thing I ever did was go out with him for those brief few weeks in high school and promised him that once my finances got sorted out that we would were still on for drinks. That he wasn’t going to get out if that easily. He then promised that once Christmas was over that he would be buying me a drink. XD
Christmas Day I let him know that I got an Arcade Stick for Street Fighter 4. Just a couple days before I thank the SF4 that I belong to (and the ex runs) for welcoming the new girl with open arms and help making the last couple months the most fun I’d had in years. In that same posting he says “It is going to get better not that you have a Round Two stick!”
I believe this to be true.
So anyway, to the video, Matthew Sweet’s “Girlfriend”. I never did find out the anime the cut scenes are from.
I want to love somebody
I hear you need somebody to love
Oh I want to love somebody
I hear you’re looking
for somebody to love
‘Cause you need to be back
in the arms of a good friend
and I need to be back
in the arms of a girlfriend
I didn’t know nobody
and then I saw you coming my way
Oh I didn’t know nobody
and then I saw you coming my way
Don’t you need to be back
in the arms of a good friend?
Oh ’cause honey believe me
I’d sure love to call you
my girlfriend
[solo]
Don’t you need to be back
in the arms of a good friend?
Oh ’cause honey believe me
I’d sure love to call you
my girlfriend
‘Cause you
got a good thing going baby
You only need somebody to love
Oh you got a good thing going
You’re only looking
for someone to love
‘Cause you need to get back
in the arms of a good friend
And I’m never gonna set you free
No I’m never gonna set you free
Posted by: athenabast on: December 20, 2009
When I moved back in June I put in a change of address with my bank was one is supposed to do. I thought it would carry over to my credit card. I was also paperless with my bank account except for important notices.
My credit card went into collections because I wasn’t aware of the notices they were sending me because they were going to my old address. They wanted all or nothing. I was in collections before with a credit card I got from Victoria’s Secret 10 years ago. It was one of the things that got lost in my sudden moving out of my parents’ place. That collections agency was very nice and polite and even sent me money back when I over paid. The collections agent I dealt with for my recent fiasco was less than helpful. I understand his job as my sister was once one and I know she would never act like the horse’s arse he behaved like. He would talk over my answers to his questions. He wouldn’t listen to what I was saying but trying to infer I was saying something else. When he asked about what I paid for gas and insurance, I said I didn’t own a car. Then asked again what I paid for gas and insurance on my car and again I told him I didn’t have one. He then became hostile when he asked “Well, how do you get to work if you don’t have a car?” I said in a very no nonsense tone, “The bus. It’s a rather large public vehicle,” to which he interrupted with an “okay then”. When he asked me what my investments were I said I didn’t know but I would log onto my computer and find out for him. He didn’t hear the last part because he then became belligerent again saying how could I not know. I repeated to him that if he gave me a second I could check online from my computer. When he asked me questions that only the Lump could answer he became hostile again while I asked the Lump the questions. All I can think was that he was a sad lonely man that the only thing he had in his life was his job. It was all I could do to keep myself from wanting to throttle him through the phone.
I managed to get the balance negotiated down and the Lump is paying that for me and I am paying him back. So I’m stuck with him for a while longer. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I recognized in all the stress of the dealing with the collections agent that what had got me in this mess was the same thing that got me in a similar problem when I was moving out of my parents’ place. I was bored, lonely and wanting to feel like I mattered to someone. So I ordered stuff online and bought big things to feel important. That’s right where I am now. Again.
I have to get out and get back to me.
I can’t wait for this year to be over with so I can start fresh.
Posted by: athenabast on: December 19, 2009
I’m probably just wanting to recapture the last moments before the world knew who I was.
(Verse 1)
Anytime I need to see your face I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place
Where your crystal minds and magenta feelings
Take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chica cherry cola
I don’t need to try to explain
I just hold on tight and If it happens again
I may move so slightly to the arms
And the lips and the face
Of The Human Cannonball that
I need to I want to…
Bridge)
Come stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You’ll never know what hit you when
I get to you
(Chorus)
Ooh I want you, I don’t know if I need you but
Ooh I’d die to find out
Ooh I want you, I don’t know if I need you but
Ooh I’d die to find out
(Verse 2)
I’m the kind of person who endorses a deep commitment
Getting comfy getting perfect is what I live for
But a look and then a smell of perfume
It’s like I’m down on the floor
And I Don’t know what I’m in for
Conversation has a time and place in the interaction
Of a lover and a mate but the time of talking
Using symbols, using words can be likened
To a deep sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat
(Bridge)
(Chorus)
Ooh, ahh…
Ooh, ahh…
(Verse 1)
Posted by: athenabast on: December 14, 2009
I want to do something. Anything. I’m just about ready to pull my hair out or punch a hole through a wall.
I’m going crazy. Truthfully, I’m like this most nights when the Lump is home and awake. I feel like there is something I should be doing but can’t. There’s plenty of things I want to do but I get scared for lack of a better term that he’ll won’t like it because I’ll have done it the way he wouldn’t.
I eat more when he’s awake/home. I do less and feel less ambitious around him.
I hate myself.
Posted by: athenabast on: December 10, 2009
I have yet to understand why when I say one thing, people tell me I mean something else. Like, I asked the High School Ex about going for drinks to catch up on the last 15 year and stuff and he said yes. So, couple weeks later I asked about firming up the plans since he said to wait until after he got his first pay check from his new “big boy” job. He said, “Don’t worry. It’ll happen.” I’ve been told that when guys say stuff like that they generally means “Forget it” but I asked for confirmation of this so I don’t get my hopes up any more about spending time with people. So instantly, people are telling me I’m wanting to sleep with him and all kinds of other things.
The boyfriend knows about the high school ex. He knows I asked him about drinks to catch up on life. He knows these things. I’m doing a piss poor job of sneaking around by telling him what I’m doing.
I don’t want to the jump the ex. Yes, I have a hard time talking to him and that’s largely due to he can remember who I was 15 years ago. I can barely remember 15 minutes ago. I am at an incredible disadvantage every time we’re together until we have those drinks so I can know what he remembers. I don’t know how psycho I was. Of course, that may benefit me at the moment. He was also really happy to see me that first night which frightens the hell out of me. He has driven me home after each event. It’s also on the route of driving a couple of the other guys home so there’s no reason for me to think anything of it. Considering the second time he was going to drive me home I wasn’t expecting it and walked to the bus stop.
I can’t be with anyone until I get rid of The Lump. I’m not looking to be with anyone until I’ve been with myself for a while. I need to get him out of my system. He’s threatened to come to my game nights but I know he’d just be a wet blanket on the affair and my chance of having any fun would go right out the window.
Ugh, I just don’t know.
Posted by: athenabast on: December 3, 2009
So last Monday, I was desperate for some corgi kisses but as per usual in my life, they didn’t bring the dog that night.
I actually got to fight him that night too. He tried to give me pointers but I just couldn’t pay attention to the advice. He patted me on the back after I lost, which I expected (the loss not the pat) and I didn’t feel anything. I’m kinda disappointed that I didn’t. I was a little, wait, what, did you just touch me? but I wasn’t all swoony and romance novel skin on fire like.
I spent most of the evening staring at him from across the room at every opportunity. When I first saw that picture of him at his brother’s wedding my mind went “Wait, I was attracted to that?”. Truthfully, every time I see him for the first time when he walks in Monday nights that same thought goes through my head. Although, this past Monday I was silly grinny when he walked in to the point I wanted to slap myself.
Evening was pretty uneventful. At one point one of the guys wanted to go for a McDonald’s run for food. I stood up and said, “So now?” I said with eagerness. And he said, “or later if you want.” And then I say more forcefully, “SO NOW”. And someone, I’d like to think him said, “Looks like you were told.”
I just couldn’t take my eyes off him most of the evening. I watched some fights but I was always sneaking looks. He gets better looking the more I see him but I wish I knew why I was acting all stupid.
At the end of the evening I hung around for a bit hoping he’d ask to drive me home again. When he didn’t I just grabbed the mess of McDonald’s garbage on the table, waved good night and took it to the trash can by the bus stop and then waited for the next bus home. A few minutes go by and his car slowly comes around the corner. I’m going to guess that he thought that after he drove me home last week that I would just get in the car this week and was wondering why I wasn’t coming back after dropping the stuff off in the trash. He pulled up in the bus stop and him, and the other guys were like, “uh, you getting in the car?” I run around to empty seat and the guys started clearing off the stuff on the backseat and he then made an off colour innuendo about “sitting on his stick”, if I wasn’t so surprised by his boldness I would have said what I was thinking which was “Not in 15 years I haven’t” but all I could muster was one of those “it’s a good thing you’re cute” looks when I sat down.
I was so much more comfortable with him the first night and now it’s just getting weirder and weirder to be around him. While I know my relationship has become nothing more than rent and food now, I don’t want him to be flirting with me or even pretending to flirt if he’s got a girl. I’m not going to get into that kind of trouble again. But he did jump at the chance for drinks with me at any time so I’m guessing he’s not attached to anyone. I think it would be hilarious if we got together again. I’d be laughing and smiling every day.
I look forward to seeing him every week now.
This is just all so weird.
